Oof, it has been a time. I wake up in the morning, roll out of bed, glance at my phone, and there it is again, the gut-wrenching, heartbreaking news. And on top of that news, is the noise, the rise in hate crimes, the voices that shout across the divide. So how can we find joy when the world is so bleak? How can we laugh when there is so much suffering? How can we celebrate when the world is in pain? How can we hold it all in our hearts? Where are the fireflies?
These are questions I have read and heard this week, often in my own head. I have had to actively turn towards joy to find out, and by turning towards joy I have had to move my mindset and turn my head, like a cautious owl.
One way I have done this is to widen my lens, outwards, from the tiny detail, zooming out to see a wider view. Let’s use some art to try this out.
In this painting by Bruegel the Elder, there is a world of activity going on.
Now, look closer. Here you see disability and hardship.
And here you see people dancing.
Here you see charity.
And here people go about their day, working hard, earning a wage.
Only by looking at the whole picture can you see that joy and despair live side by side. Just as they do now.
So how do we find joy? There is only one way. Stopping what we are doing, turning our heads, and looking for it. We find it by noticing.
And we must. It is a life force, it is our north star. It is our mission.
Gratitude points to joy. Helping people points to joy. Kindness shows us where joy lies.
Finding joy, celebrating, and noticing the light in the dark is central to the story of creation as told in The Kabbalah.1 It is our role as humans to find the light, the shards of light.
“The Kabbalah tells the story of God filling these vessels with light, and the vessels shatter because they cannot contain the light, and then he does it again. But the second time God puts the light into humans. And humans can do something that these inanimate vessels couldn’t, which is to say humans can reflect the light back. And that’s the only way that the light can be contained.
Part of the story the Kabbalah tells is how humans have had to go and retrieve the shards of those broken vessels that shattered when they could not contain the light. Humans are still doing that, and the shards of light are all over, including in really bad places. So, there’s an assumption that if people are really doing their work well, they will have some familiarity with evil on the way toward restoration.” Nan Goodman
C.S Lewis describes bittersweet joy as “stabs of joy” and Susan Cain in her wonderful book, Bittersweet, explains that these ‘stabs of joy’ are those “everyday moments of soaring perfection, in our highly imperfect world.” C.S Lewis poetically writes about the longing for joy when all looks bleak as an '“unnameable something, a desire for which pierces us like a rapier at the smell of bonfire, the sound of wild ducks flying overhead, the title of The Well at the World’s End, the opening lines of ‘Kubla Khan,’ the morning cobwebs in late summer, or the noise of falling waves.”
The simplest and greatest joy may come from connection. Meet a friend for coffee, have a dinner party, suggest that after-work drink, host a games night, go shopping with a girlfriend, pick up the phone and call instead of text, send a photo, sing together, be silly, tell someone you are thinking of them. Say I love you. We are connected through both joy and sadness. Side by side. “Only connect.” E.M. Forster famously said in Howards End. He was right. What else is there?
It is not irresponsible to find joy, it is the purest life force there is.
My moments of joy this week.
Joy is singing Karaoke at the top of my voice and not worrying about a thing.
Joy is dancing to Sweet Transvestite and cringing and laughing when the video was shared the next day
Joy is delivering a workshop and getting positive feedback.
Joy is making a difference.
Joy is a warm almond croissant to cure that morning-after-the-night-before sluggish feeling.
Joy is when the 13-hour Singapore-Canada time difference means I get phone calls from my daughter when she walks home from a party at 3 pm my time.
Joy is eating chili made by my husband on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Joy is a fresh haircut.
Joy is removing my AirPods and listening to the rain on my umbrella
Joy is celebrating a friend’s achievements.
Joy is knowing a coaching session has made someone feel lighter.
Joy is scrolling through Airbnb and daydreaming.
Joy is finishing a book that was a bit meh but starting a better one.
Joy is girlfriends.
Joy is buying birthday presents and preparing to spoil a loved one on his birthday
Joy is making soup and putting homemade croutons inside.
Joy is when my iPhone sends me a photo memory and it is Halloween 15 years ago and the costumes were so small and the smiles were so big.
This painting by Gustav Klimt. The sweet tenderness of a sleeping child on your shoulder. He captures the bliss and abandon so beautifully.
Talking on the phone for 1.5 hours with a friend I have known for 35 years. That does not make me feel old, it makes me feel blessed.
Reading intelligent, well-considered, and historically accurate commentary that explains how I feel. Thank you, Jonathan Freedland. I urge you to read this.
I found a huge feather on my walk. What bird did that come from? Was it a forest chicken or an eagle?
This.
And best of all? This.
Thank you for being here and reading. I so appreciate you all.
This is unbelievably good. Exactly what I needed to hear right now. I’m sending this far and wide in hopes it sparks moments of joy around the globe ✨
Inspiring, one needs to look for joy and nature is joy.